Running a home-based Son-Rise Program for the complete recovery of my autistic son is not without challenges. I have come to the point where I feel the burden of responsibility for his development and I feel the fear of not being successful. A friend suggested that, like all Moms, I needed a break once a while. While I probably give myself too much breaks, I pondered upon the suggestion.
A “break” may imply that I need to run away from something. After the break….oh no, I have to go back that thing that I was running away from. Am I tired of playing with my son?
I truly love my kids and this is really what I’ve wanted. I guess it is only the burden and fear that’s bogging me down.
Bears Kaufman, co-founder of the Son-Rise Program, would ask parents of special kids, “What would you do if your child did not get better?” It seems like a harsh question to ask but it leads to letting go of the such fears and just enjoying the son-rise journey. Honestly, now I would still answer, “Of course my son will get better, I know I can do this!” Reflecting upon it, my answer implies that I am pressured with expectations from my son. Pressure will not make things easier for me or for my son.
It is not a “break” that I need. It’s the ability to love what I am doing. I know I do. As for my burden, fears and expectations….Lord, I offer them to You.
And now, to move on with my Son-Rise journey.
Thank you to my friends and volunteers who are helping me through this journey.