Monthly Archives: May 2013

Prioritize relationship over function

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Dear Volunteers,
For this month I did not target Nathan asking or answering questions because I didn’t see a current motivation that can be used to propel learning.

However, progress is fast 😉
I’ve noticed Nathan’s new ism is asking and answering:
– What did Ate Juliet Say?
– Edna Mode (the character from Mr. Incredible)

If he does say this in your session, please use it as an opportunity to practice asking and answering questions.

So first, forget that Nathan’s words don’t seem to have purpose or function (for you), and join him. I’m sure if you echo what he says, he will laugh. So build the relationship first and keep joining this verbal ism of his and enjoy his laughter.

Then try slight alterations. First you ask and he answers. Then try waiting for him to ask and you answer. Keep switching and see which he prefers.

Then try a bigger alteration. Ask something like:
“What did (your name) say?”
“Edna mode”

If he does not respond or look irritated, go back to the original lines. Build relationship again, get him to laugh again by simply joining.

Then challenge again. Wait for him to think about wether he will accept the alteration or not.

Also try changing the answer like:
“What did Ate Juliet say?”
“Eat na mode” (or anything that rhymes or has the same number of syllables or just anything different).

Good luck!

Influencing Change

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Nathan’s Special Education teacher said that for today, she tried 30 minutes of the Son-Rise techniques that we presented to them yesterday.

Nathan gave her several curious smiles (probably wondering why it was so different today) and no usual tantrums!

With only 30 minutes of Son-Rise, Nathan already felt ready to build a stronger relationship with his teacher!

Happiness 🙂

Full Control

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One of the most controversial topics in today’s meeting with my twins teachers and therapists was the son-rise principle of giving the child FULL CONTROL.

But think about it. Even as adults, we attend management seminars that teach us about our circle of influence and CIRCLE OF CONTROL. Focus on that and we become better managers. We are taught to be IN CONTROL or CEOs of our life. When we are IN CONTROL of our life, we become more effective. Don’t we love it when everything goes our way? And when things get out of CONTROL in one aspect of our life (like we lose our job, break up, fail in school, etc.), it affects all aspects of or daily lives.

We decided to put Amor in a special needs school precisely because she would get a better sense of being in CONTROL. When she wants to sing at big events, teachers readily give her the mic. When she wants to he the teacher, her teacher readily gives up her chair. Those are the things that help Amor learn faster and boost her self-esteem for later challenges in mainstream school. If we force mainstream school on Amor now she has to deal with following rules she cannot comprehend on top of her sensory issues. But we would rather help her learn to be IN CONTROL of her environment first, despite her sensory issues.

For Nathan’s case, a child with autism, giving FULL CONTROL seems much harder…probably more for the person giving it. But we choose to say “YES” to Nathan ALL the time. And this is what some therapists seem to have a hard time accepting.

When we always acknowledge the child affirmatively, the child realizes that he makes a difference. Example, when we say “Yes, I’ll get your toy immediately!” The child learns that his words are useful and will keep trying his best to use them.

Typically, a child with autism is usually seen as misbehaving and is always told what not to do….like getting someone’s fries at the fast food, picking his nose in public, flapping his hands, running around, saying strange sounds. So parents have to keep correcting and correcting. But what if for once the child is free to do what he want? Like…What’s wrong with picking my nose, it’s itchy? I’m happy, I want to make funny sounds while running! What’s wrong with being free to express myself? who decided what is norm anyways? Im happy I’m IN CONTROL of my life!

Of course the most simple thing to do to be able to still give FULL CONTROL is simply avoid the incidents (or provide alternatives) that you do not want your child doing.

Is giving FULL CONTROL forever?
No. Already we are seeing that Nathan is becoming more flexible. By saying “Yes” to him all the time we have taught him to accept times that we need to say “No.”

Giving FULL CONTROL is an investment for now. In the future, kids will readily go your way if you allow them to go their way first.

How many times do you have to acknowledge the good job done?

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Very early on, we were aware of Amor’s motor issues (stiff muscles) and were aware that she would be delayed in ability to draw and write. In fact, I was even worried about how far she would get with writing.

But Amor is fighter. She loves to doodle with her crayons. Like an ism, we feel that her drawing is a way of “healing” herself and overcoming motor challenges.

In a day, all her drawings would be no different from the previous. Yet with every new drawing we give her a “good job!” It indeed is a good job to be able to draw something recognizable when your muscles don’t move fluidly like other kids.

With pride, we post her work (with Ian’s) on the wall. We don’t get tired of telling her that her new creation is better than the previous!

All the “good job!” said is worth it! Amor, on her own, has finally written her name with no assistance whatsoever! I would never have imagined that this milestone would come this early.

So, for Nathan’s case, we don’t get tired of telling him good job in so many ways:
Excellent!
Wow!
Thank you for looking at me!
I like your smile!
Thank you for asking!
That’s amazing!
You’re funning!
I love it when you look at me!

Each “good job” will help him find his way out of autism.

Amor’s awareness

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Me: Amor, do you want Tita Pam to be your son-rise volunteer?
Amor: Yes!
Me: How about Nathan?
Amor: He already has a son-rise volunteer, Tita Aldhel is his son-rise volunteer.
Me: What does a son-rise volunteer do?
Amor: Amm…helps children recover from autism.
Me (shocked at her awareness!): How did you know that?
Amor: From watching the video.

I am so amazed at how deeply Amor understand everything happening around her 🙂

Praise motivates children

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Amor verbalizes and confirms everything son-rise teaches me:

Children are always motivated when praised. This motivation can be used to encourage good behavior (some therapies/parenting techniques work the other way, they focus on diminishing what they consider “bad” behavior and don’t put enough focus in good behavior)

Amor was asking Papa to help her draw a bus. At the start I was praising her for asking so nicely. Amor, having sensory issues, is irritable a lot of times and can easily be mistaken as brat.

Anyway, I praised her 3 times in a row and she smiled back as me as she continued to ask Papa for help ever so nicely. “Help” of course is more to get Papa’s attention than actual help.

After a while, Amor noticed that I wasn’t paying attention despite the fact that she was still being her sweetest and still asking so nicely. Finally she said, “Mama, look I’m asking nicely. Can you say: Thank you for asking nicely?”

So praise all the good deeds you child does, big or small. It motivates them do better all the time.

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Praise motivates children

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Amor verbalizes and confirms everything son-rise teaches me:

Children are always motivated when praised. This motivation can be used to encourage good behavior (some therapies/parenting techniques work the other way, they focus on diminishing what they consider “bad” behavior and don’t put enough focus in good behavior)

Amor was asking Papa to help her draw a bus. At the start I was praising her for asking so nicely. Amor, having sensory issues, is irritable a lot of times and can easily be mistaken as brat.

Anyway, I praised her 3 times in a row and she smiled back as me as she continued to ask Papa for help ever so nicely. “Help” of course is more to get Papa’s attention than actual help.

After a while, Amor noticed that I wasn’t paying attention despite the fact that she was still being her sweetest and still asking so nicely. Finally she said, “Mama, look I’m asking nicely. Can you say: Thank you for asking nicely?”

So praise all the good deeds you child does, big or small. It motivates them do better all the time.

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Heal the gut, heal autism

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This is old news for old timers-parents of children with autism, but I am only starting to appreciate the gut-brain connection and wonder why it’s not as mainstream as it should be…at least where I am from. Why was it never recommended by several neurologists, from several hospitals of the several countries (ok, only 3) that my twins have been going to since birth?

Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride was a neurologist who had a child with severe autism. She couldn’t find answers in her field so she took another degree in nutrition.

There she found her answers. A lot can be done for children with autism. Heal the gut, heal autism. She coined the Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAPS). Kids with autism cannot process their food properly because of bad bacteria, yeast, viruses and parasites that overpopulate the good bacteria that should be protecting the digestive system. She developed the GAPS diet that starves out pathogens and replenishes the much needed good bacteria in the gut. Her son fully recovered from autism.

Medical fields are so caught up on pharmaceutical research and never provide safer alternatives for desperate parents. I was told nothing can be done about autism, if he gets more violent we have to consider psychotic meds, anti-seizure meds that harm the liver and kidney were recommended (and we agreed) – these meds only address symptoms and not the cause of autism.

If a doctor’s job was to heal and not just cover-up symptoms, why not recommend diets and attack the root cause?

Well, even if I didn’t get this information early, I am thankful for the network of friends who lead me here and technology which puts information at the tip of my fingers.

This post is for “new” parents of kids with autism. A lot can be done for our kids….heal the gut, heal autism!