My Faith Journey 

In the hardest moments of my life, major breakthroughs (AKA miracles) came when I was most dependent on God.
We couldn’t conceive because of my polycyclic ovaries and when we did conceive, we miscarried. The doctor said it was ok and quite common. The second pregnancy also led to a miscarriage. This time the doctor said that chances of conceiving and carrying out a pregnancy was getting slim. If there will be a third miscarriage, there is almost zero chance that I would be able to bear children….I had a third miscarriage. 
After I lost the third baby, I was crying and crying thinking of the statistics the doctor gave me. I was barren, based on that prognosis.
We were blessed to be in a prayer group. It allowed us to surrender what we could not handle to God. But early in my faith journey, I might have chosen not to verbalise my most important prayers. I was afraid to pray boldly and ask for what doctors think was impossible. “What if it never happens?” I thought, “What is my prayers will not be answered?” But because of the blessing of that community, we prayed! For years we prayed boldly. We were confident that just as God granted many prayers in our prayer group, He would grant ours…and He did! In 2006, we were blessed with Nathan and Amor. In 2008, without needing fertility workout, Ian was our pleasant surprise! All that was lost, was restored!
The twins were premature, Nathan has cerebral palsy (limited ability to move his legs), Amor got the Global Developmental Delay diagnosis. We were ok and thought we could handle lifelong therapy for those special needs….until Nathan turned 4. By that time he had regressed and the doctors gave him the autism diagnosis. He was not functioning at all in a kindergarten setting. He would either just play with the water at the faucet or sit and mouth any toy he had his hands on. He was oblivious to everyone in the room.
Though the future I feared for Nathan was such a heavy burden to carry, I was hanging onto God’s word. God did say in his Psalms that, “In His time He makes all things beautiful…In His time.” I was crying all over again, waiting for that the moment of revelation. I was hoping it would come soon for I knew I would spend most days in despair until I had an idea about what God planned for us.
Nathan was not progressing in any of the multiple conventional therapies we were undertaking. In fact, things we getting worse. Nathan, who was a sweet baby, became a frequent whiner and became aggressive, choosing to bite whomever he could access if he couldn’t get his needs.  
Many professionals will say that autism was a life-long condition. Not doubting that belief, my prayers was for God to guide us in finding the right doctors, the right therapists, the right teachers, etc. who can help him optimise his potentials. But God gave us something even better! He showed us that we, the parents, are our kid’s best resource! He guided us to The Son-Rise Program(r) to hone our parenting skills. He showed us that there was no reason to lose hope. Many children have recovered from autism or at least have gone far beyond their initial prognosis and live meaningful lives.
Now in the road to recovery, and equipped with SO MUCH tools to help autism, I sometimes (or make that many times) forget and rely on my own strength to parent and help my kids grow. As I get tired and worn out. I am reminded again that I can ask God for a boost. I can unload my burden on Him. I can surrender what I cannot do and as He has done countless times in the past, I know He will help me. He will carry my load and give me a lighter yoke to carry. 
Today the God that who reveals Himself to me, comforts me. Despite all my imperfections, despite my wrong doings, despite moments when I ignored Him to draw strength from myself, He is a forgiving God. Like the prodigal son who did not even deserve a ring on his finger, a new robe wear and a welcome feast, I know my God welcomes me back each time I go astray. Today I pray boldly and with confidence for God to restore what he did not take away: To restore the health of all my children! With each day that I pray, my prayers are answered.

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