Ever so expressive!

In the middle of last night I woke-up to Nathan shouting from him room, “Mama, I want water!” I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming so I stayed in bed for another minute. Apparently he had been shouting for a few minutes before I realised I wasn’t dreaming. His next shout was, “Mama, give me water please!”

I usually feel tired whenever I have to check Nathan when wakes up in the middle of the night, crying or laughing (and this happens frequently), but last night I had a big smile on my face thinking how awesome that Nathan expressed his needs and projected his voice across the hall to his sleeping Mom instead of crying! 

The other day, I was in the shower, I thought I heard Amor knocking and speaking outside. I listened carefully and it was Nathan shouting ever so clearly, “Mama, [I want to] come into the bathroom please.” He has never projected his voice so loud and clear before.

Imagine that, a child with autism wanting to be heard and expressing it loud, clear and ever so politely! 

#ByGodsGrace #SonRiseRocks

In the photo. Me and Nathan this morning.

Nathan’s Echo-Me Game 

It is such a treat to listen as Yang was echoing Nathan’s words. Nathan kept giving her new words to echo and smiled and laughed as Yang echoed it back exactly the way he wanted! From the outside it may seem like non-sense string words put together, but if you think about it, Yang successfully encouraged Nathan to stay with her in a very long “conversation” that he enjoys, be it in the autism language. 

This enjoyment of “talking” with another person is the foundation of future engaging conversations that Nathan will be capable of holding. It starts with being happy to engage with people! 
In the photo: Yang and Nathan having their conversation with strong eye-contact through the mirror. 

Parenting the button-pusher

What to do to discourage unwanted behaviours, like writing on the wall…

When we tell our kids “DO NOT DO THAT!”…and if they are like Amor…they will do it in anticipation the attention that they get and the “exciting” look on your face. That’s Amor, my button-pusher. The daughter I love so much! 

So what do we do?

We do not give vague reprimands or demerits, but we do give a consequence that is closely related to the unwanted behaviour. Example, she wrote on the wall, so she has to clean it and cannot leave the wall until all writings are cleaned…yes, even with permanent markers. See photos of her erasing her drawings.

Another example is when she says unwanted words like “stupid”. That word is never used in the house. Likely she picked it up from YouTube. When she tests our reactions to her new words, we remind her that all words that we use (as a family) are to edify and not to hurt people. She has the wisdom to know the difference. But since she’s choosing to use words that hurt people (and enjoying the shocked looked on our faces when she does), we simply turn off the computer or have no computer for the rest of the day and explain to her that we don’t want her to pick-up more hurtful words. Not watching such videos will help her avoid unwanted words. That has really reduced her use of unwanted words and button-pushing. Yes, once in a while she will try, but soon understand that her tactic is not working.

One important thing that we do is not to add big, “exciting” emotions, like using a big voice or an stern face while giving her consequence. That attention gets her to keep pushing buttons. We tell her about her unwanted behaviour and provide a consequence using a slow, boring, matter-of-fact voice. 

And for the cream on the cake, we always acknowledge all the good things Amor does. At the end of all the rubbing and scrubbing, here’s how we celebrated her:

Me: Thank you Amor for being responsible and cleaning the wall.

Amor: You know I’m not going to write on the wall the again. 😉 (works like a charm)

In fact, celebration is such an awesome technique, Amor boomerangs it back to us a lot! A few minutes later, she celebrated, “Mama, you are so good at helping me clean up.” 😜 (charming me to keep helping her. I had to help her scrub hard since the eraser couldn’t get all the writings out).

In summary, these are all the great techniques we learned from The Son-Rise Program®:

1. Use consequences directly related to the unwanted behaviour and explain why.

2. Instead of using emotion-filled response to the unwanted behaviour, move slowly in a boring way.

3. For wanted behaviours, acknowledge and CELEBRATE so they keep doing things we like! 

#SonRiseRocks, it has really helped us become better parents for Amor and all our kids! 

#byGodsGrace

Counting our blessings as they pour

Amor expresses her appreciation…
To think Amor was a very irritable, rigid and “stubborn” child…mainly because of her sensory issues.

The Son-Rise Program® has taught us, the parents, to actively look for all the things that we appreciate in our kids, regardless of their special needs and “strange behaviours”, regardless of their sensory issues, regardless of their “misbehaviours”, regardless of their button-pushing, regardless of their delays. 

We verbalise our appreciation all the time and that opens up to more and more blessings.

Children learn what they live…in time Amor too actively looks for what she appreciates in us. 

I’m just blessed that she chooses to express her gratitude in writing ❤️

In the photo: Amor wrote a letter to me tonight. Who would thought that something as simple and shopping and going to the Dentist, meant a lot to her and now to me too.

To Ban or Not To Ban

I have thought of banning “Super Nanny” from Amor’s YouTube video options. Then again, despite her challenges with social skills, Amor really likes observing people and be whole range of emotions they go through in different situations. Imagine, “Supper Nanny” is like a treasure chest of emotions for her to enjoy.
We couldn’t really grasp how much she is learning until she started writing her thoughts. So awesome to see (literally) how smart Amor is. I have to go back to show the Doctors who gave her the Global Developmental Delay Diagnosis 😉

Note: we don’t parent like Super Nanny or the families she visits. We pay attention to and reinforce good behaviours early instead of waiting for unwanted behaviours to emerge and discipline heavily later on.  

#SonRiseRocks

#ByGodsGrace

#TooBlessedToBeStressed

Nathan outsmarts me 🤣

Nathan: You want to walk to the grocery?
Me: No I don’t want to walk to the grocery. (but I know he does)

Nathan: Does Nathan want to walk to the grocery? 

Me: (trying to explain my way out of it) Let’s walk later, it’s really hot right now.

Nathan: (with a louder voice) Does Nathan want to walk to the grocery?

Me: Later, it’s too hot

(This goes on for a few more loops)

Nathan: (even louder) Mama, say ‘Does Nathan want to walk to the grocery?’ please!

Me: (since he was so persistent and asking so nicely) Does Nathan want to walk to the grocery?

Nathan: ok!

Me: <trapped> 😲🤐🤣😜
Trapped🤐 but feeling blessed 😇 that Nathan is now so good at negotiating his needs with sweet persistence! ❤️

In the photo: Mom-Me and my smart boy Nathan!

Manifest first

I just picked-up great words of wisdom from my 8-year-old, Ian.

He said during his boring get to school rush, “Mommy when I smile like this, it already makes me feel happy!”

I gave it a thought an replied, “Yeah, usually when we feel it, we don’t have to worry, what we feel from the inside will automatically manifest on the outside. But I guess it can work in reverse, make it manifest on the outside (through a smile) and it will touch your inside.”

If you cannot get he feeling from the inside, manifest first!

It has been a super busy week and this Friday morning I felt tired and didn’t know if I had the energy to play with Nathan and help him grow. But I was reminded of what Ian taught me to manifest first and let the manifestation touch me inside. 

To my amazement, Nathan played with me this morning and fuelled my desire to keep my energy up.

It’s amazed at the wisdom we learn from our kids!

In the photo: Our karaoke session with Mom-Me, Nathan and Ian, always ready to smile and be merry. 

Why would a child speak to us?

We want to understand how to get Nathan (or any child with autism) to speak to us. But it’s just as important to understand what are the prerequisites before a child chooses to engage and speak to us:
– The child must be comfortable with us and feel that we are friendly and approachable. 

– The child must feel that when he attempts to use his words, we can understand him or at least be doing our very best to understand him, no matter what level his speech is at.

– We must be exciting to talk to. Like, why else would kids hang out and talk for hours with their friends?

The other day, Nathan asked his Son-Rise volunteer, Tita Yang, to get his toy. She quickly identified which toy he wanted and passed it to him. That lit up his face almost as if saying “Yes! She understands me!” And he engaged with strong eye-contact after that point.

In the photo: Nathan and exciting Tita Yang.

Nathan’s expressions

Waiting must be one of the hardest things for kids with autism. Like, Nathan couldn’t understand why it took so long for food to be deliver at restaurants…or fast foods for that matter.
But today, not only is he good at waiting. He’s also very good at entertaining me while waiting!